Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
