Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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