They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There r osticjed everywhere
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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