Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
