Your face is a jimmy john
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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