Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
