I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
