Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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