used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
