i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
