I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
