So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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