you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
