had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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