Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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