I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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