I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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