Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
