I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My hand turned me down
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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