I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we're making bets on your personal life
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
