It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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