Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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