Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
40s are totally the cure
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
