I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
