Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
