I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
