i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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