OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
