i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
