Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
