your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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