I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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