Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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