did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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