Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
