so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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