Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
