he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
