So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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