i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize