I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
