I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
