Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You are the jesus of drinking
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
