so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
