Umm I'm too high to move.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
