Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
