Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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