Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
