I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
