i was rollin on her like bob the builder
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
