my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
