is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
