drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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