That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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