Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
