Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
