Your tits are I can't wait for
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
