My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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