at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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