Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
