Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
