ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
