I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
