whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
