so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
