high people should be assigned attendants
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
