i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
