eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
