What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
