So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
