this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
