WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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