Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
cat food counts as protein by the way
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
