so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
