I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
