Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize