it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
