first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
