so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
